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Support group for moms who have lost a baby

In Our Hearts group provides resources, meetings and a safe place to share experiences
Mom bereavement
Michelle Tyliakos is a Tri-City doula who has started a support group for moms who have lost a baby through miscarriage, termination, stillbirth or neonatal death. Her friend, Minette Moolman-King, is also a co-founder of In Our Hearts. Both women have experienced miscarriages.

There is no statute of limitations on grief when a woman loses a baby.

Whether the loss is through miscarriage, termination, stillbirth or neonatal death, a woman can experience devastating emotional pain that can last for years.

To help women cope, two Tri-City doulas have set up a support group that meets monthly so women can share their stories and get information on resources available for health and wellness.

Minette Moolman-King and Michelle Tyliakos have both experienced miscarriages and know what it's like to feel isolated because there's no one to talk to, and to feel the pressure to get over the loss or try for another baby when it's scary to do so.

"Women are given a timeline they should get over it and move on," said Tyliakos, a Port Moody resident who lost her baby in the first trimester 12 years ago and now has four children. "[But] the more we talk about it, the more we know it happens, and just being acknowledged and feeling like you belong somewhere helps."

Moolman-King, a Port Coquitlam resident, experienced two second-trimester miscarriages, and has a child.

The women met while training to become doulas a year ago. They had been asked to do a list of resources for families that had experienced a loss and the two found a connection.

Now, they hope their group, called In Our Hearts, can help other women who have lost a pregnancy. There's a Facebook page of information and news articles, and meetings are held the first Wednesday of the month at which women are encouraged to talk if they want to, or to keep silent if that is what they choose.

The groups are small — no more than a dozen spaces are available — and typically about eight or 10 women attend. Occasionally, the group invites an expert to share information.

Tyliakos said the group is a safe place to share and there is no obligation to keep returning. Some women  might come only once or twice while others might show up several times or even skip meetings and come back a year later, depending where they are in their life.

"We want women to know they belong, and we want them to know that their babies do matter, their feelings matter, and their sharing and listening will help others through this time," Tyliakos said. "We want them to leave feeling a little lighter in their grief and welcome them back as many times as they want to join us."

In addition to the Tri-City group, plans are in the works to start an In Our Hearts group in Vancouver and other areas of the Lower Mainland. The next Port Moody gathering will be held June 1 at 6:30 p.m. and the first Vancouver meeting will be June 6 at 7:30 p.m.

For more information, email mt@crowningglorydoula.ca or info@birthofhope.com