Dear Lisi: My best friend is pregnant and she’s super excited. I’m thrilled for her as well. The problem is that her husband is very hands-off, uninterested in any of it. He thinks, well, I made the baby, the rest is up to her.
I couldn’t be married to him, but that’s still not the problem. The problem is that she shares everything with me. And though I’m excited, I don’t need to know all the inner workings of her uterus, Fallopian tubes and cervix. I don’t want to hear about meconium, birth water and after-birth.
How do I tell her without hurting her feelings? Her husband has already stomped on those.
TMI
You haven’t given me any personal information. I don’t even know if you could one day be pregnant yourself. That only matters slightly, because if your body isn’t created for all of this, then I get why it can all be a bit much. But if you plan on following the same path one day, it’s a great hands-on lesson on how the female reproductive system works to create another life.
I’m also assuming you’re somewhere between 24 and 40, so you’re not a squirmy adolescent uncomfortable about discussing private parts. So, why not just listen? You know how much your bestie needs you right now.
There isn’t a test at the end, so if it’s really uninteresting, tune out. But let her talk. She’ll appreciate it more than you’ll hate it.
Dear Lisi: My professor thinks he’s really cool and uses a lot of inappropriate slang. The class is multiracial, multinational, multigender. No one else seems to visibly cringe from his vocabulary but me.
Am I the only one who doesn’t enjoy his language? Or is everyone else pretending it’s OK but feeling the same way as I do? And if the latter is true, then why won’t anyone else show how they really feel?
I don’t know if I’m allowed to say something to my dean, but I’m very uncomfortable in class. What do I do?
Straight Student
You pose some very good questions. I can’t tell you why no one else reacts negatively. I also can’t tell you if everyone else is pretending, and/or why they won’t show their annoyance and discomfort.
But I can tell you that I doubt you are alone in your feelings.
I would talk to your professor first. He may not realize that he’s overdoing it; he may be grateful that he doesn’t have to put on a show anymore (you said he thinks he’s really cool). I would hope that he would take what you say into consideration.
If nothing changes and you are still uncomfortable, switch out of his class.
Reader’s Commentary
“I wanted to share this with you. Today, I met a woman who has lived through some recent dificulties in her life. She had an unexpected death in her family, and her husband walked out on her.
“She’s had a tough time, to say the least. But she told me that she gets up every morning, finds some silly pet videos to watch on Instagram that make her laugh, and then she reads this column. Every morning. That’s how she starts her day.
She says it helps to read other people’s problems, relate to them, listen to your advice. Sometimes it’s relevant; others not. But it always helps put her life I perspective.”
FEEDBACK regarding the woman masked in a coffee shop (Jan. 27):
Reader — “You do you and don’t let anyone else tell you that what you are doing is wrong.”
“This sums it up nicely.
“Fact is, there is another new variant. As long as the virus is allowed to ‘live,’ it will continue to mutate. You can’t enter any retirement facility, long-term care facility, medical office or hospital without a mask.
“I am fully vaccinated. I wear a mask where I feel appropriate.
“I had a similar experience when one person felt I was being ‘high and mighty’ for wearing a mask. I told her straight out that ‘my mother is 94, living in long-term care. I will do everything I feel necessary to protect her.”
Lisi — I agree with you. Do whatever feels best for you for whatever reason. It’s no one else’s business.
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists for the Star and based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: ellie@thestar.ca or lisi@thestar.ca
