n the 2006 movie Failure to Launch, a couple turns to an "expert" to manipulate their 35-year-old son into finally leaving home.
But parents don't have to resort to such tactics to set their kids off on the right path, said a career leadership coach who works with teens and young adults. In fact, simply asking questions and listening is a good way to start encouraging a young person to get educated, find a job and set out on the road to independence.
"In school, we live in a little sort of cocoon nest of support from parents and teachers and everybody is giving us ideas and we often push our kids in directions to make career decisions before they are ready to do it," said Deb Little, a career coach with Inspired Strengths.
The result, she said, is high anxiety rates among students, disappointment and wasted time, money and energy when kids go to schools or jobs they don't like.
ANXIETY HIGH
Recent studies have shown that anxiety rates are high, especially among high school students, who feel pressured to know what they want to do, Little said. In fact, only about 2% of young people have identified their education and career path at a young age.
Adding to the mix is high unemployment rates among young people, notes Little, who points out that at 14% the youth unemployment rate is twice that of older adults.
With jobs so scarce, it's important to target the right one and take the proper steps to land it.
Too often, Little said, people jump into a career only to find out that it was a poor fit, leading to stress and often health problems.
Statistics Canada backs this up. A recent report noted that the trend line is up for absenteeism in the work place from about 7% in 2001 to 8.4% in 2011.
"Eighty per cent of people that are employed are not happy with their job," she said, a problem that leads to low self-esteem and other issues.
Little didn't find her own career niche until she was 44 years old and wishes she had taken the advice she now gives to parents and others seeking help in career planning.
A GENTLE BEGINNING
For parents wishing to help their kids on the right path, it starts with a gentle touch, she said.
Parents shouldn't try to push or cajole their kids into a school or career choice based on their own impressions of a child's strengths. Such tactics only turn kids off the discussion altogether.
"The anxiety is just so high they just shut down, they don't communicate with their parents, they don't communicate with anybody."
Instead, she recommends simply opening the door to a conversation and letting the young person consider their career and school choices based on their own aspirations and desires.
"We see our kids growing up and we see what their strengths are and we automatically think what we see is what our kids want. But that's not necessarily true. Until they ask the questions they aren't going to know," she said.
To help parents navigate this difficult territory, Little and her coaching partner, Barry Forward, also of Inspired Strengths, are hosting a free workshop at Vancity in Port Coquitlam (See sidebar).
Little said she and Forward will provide some conversational opening gambits to help parents start the discussion with their teens or young adults.
"What they are going to learn is in terms of how to keep the conversation going, in terms of not closing the door and hearing the kid say 'you don't understand me'."
