Skip to content

Anmore dad is no impostor - or so he says

The Editor, I recently received an email message from my son's middle school requesting that I provide "missing" documentation in order that the school get provincial funding for teaching him.

The Editor,

I recently received an email message from my son's middle school requesting that I provide "missing" documentation in order that the school get provincial funding for teaching him. The school system now needs to have documented evidence of the parent's status in Canada, residency and guardianship.

I was born in Canada, I have lived at my current address for about 12 years, which is about the length of time I have been raising my son. I have always known the school system to be rather egocentric but the politicians and Ministry of Education behind School Act 82 are way over the top here in terms of legalistic invasiveness and lack of common sense.

My son is in seventh grade. I already provided citizenship evidence about eight years ago. Now I have to do it again, only with far more documentation. Why? Is the original information suspicious? Are we all under suspicion? Does trust play any role any more in British Columbia? Is the Tri-Cities no longer in the same country? Is it possible that my son's teachers were not teaching my son? Is it possible that I don't really have a son at all? Is it possible that somebody else's boy is posing as my son? Have I been forging the parent's signature all along? Is it possible that I have been pretending to cut the grass at someone else's home for the last dozen years? Am I an impostor?

Well, instead of birth and death certificates, I would like to propose "life" certificates: an all-in-one package, perhaps formatted in an iPod, complete with the necessary documentation that proves who you claim you are and where you live - in short, that you exist. In order to prevent identity theft or loss, it is best that children get the iPod implanted somewhere discreet, and the good thing is that these devices are getting smaller all the time.

Each year, kids can go to school for scanning to prove that they have a life, and if they don't show up, it will be proof that their parents did not pay their taxes, or that they are impostors. Quick, get me the Minister of Education...

Joerge Dyrkton, Anmore