Spoiler alert! If you do not want to know the exact number of eye stabbings in the television show Game of Thrones, stop reading now, because it is quite a shocking amount of eye stabbings.
Other than that, I hope to write something here that everyone can enjoy even if they are still planning to watch the hit show at a future date and don’t want to have main plot lines spoiled for them.
I wish other news outlets provided the same courtesy. I am one of the many who is catching up but not quite ready to watch the latest episodes. I’ve learned the simple tricks to avoid spoilers: You can’t go on Twitter during the airing of an episode or in the following hours. You must be ready to bolt the workplace lunchroom at a moment’s notice. Instead of attending parties, you probably should just chain yourself up in a dungeon.
I’ve taken what I thought were all the proper precautions but I still couldn’t avoid spoilers. Recently, I went on a popular “sports and culture” website looking for witty and irreverent coverage of the NBA finals. Instead, I happened upon a huge spoiler from the latest GoT episode. Now, this wasn’t just a teaser or half spoiler, this was a major plot line, verifying that major characters were still alive (never a given with this show) and describing exactly what those characters did. And this wasn’t buried inside a story or through a click, it was the headline of the top story. The headline!
I’ll share the headline with you here with the spoiler details omitted: “XXXX and XXXX finally XXXX. Now what’s next?”
I suppose they think it’s cool because they’ve put “Now what’s next?” at the end of the headline. What were some other top headlines from past reviews on this website (old spoiler alert):
• Thelma and Louise: “Thelma and Louise drive off a cliff. Now what’s next?”
• Star Wars: “Darth Vader is Luke’s father. Now what’s next?”
• The Bible: “Jesus comes back to life. Now what’s next?”
Truth be told, if I had been caught up on GoT, I would have clicked the hell out of that headline. But I’m not caught up and it sucks to have things spoiled. I got into the series really late and am watching one or two episodes every night before I go to bed.
It’s always exciting to discover what final image will be branded on my brain just before bedtime. Will it be (spoiler alerts) burning a child at the stake?
Dagger in the eye?
Incest?
Sword in the eye?
An army of the dead?
Thumb in the eye?
Or will it be... dragons?
Sorry! Sorry! I should have warned you I was going to say “dragons.”
However, if you haven’t reached the dragon part of the show yet, you’re way behind and have no legit grievance.
I certainly won’t stand for you keeping me strapped to this giant wooden X thingy. And put down that dagger!
––Andy Prest is sports editor for the North Shore News and writes a biweekly column.
@Sports_Andy
