I don't know about you but I can't sleep. It's midnight and I'm still tossing and turning. All I can see in my mind is the images of a petite, attractive 15-year-old holding cards with printed words to a camera and uncovering the sheets of paper one after another as she tells her story of harassment, victimization and assault. The pain in her voiceless message tears away at me, the words and images even more impactful with the knowing this young woman has just taken her life.
Amanda Todd is dead. The corner's inquest will likely list the cause of death as suicide but there is more than her hands on the instrument of death. Amanda was killed by a series of insults, attacks and unkindness that many dozens participated in. Amanda was another victim of the effects of bullying.
There is a desire to want to root out the victimizers, to sharpen our sticks and direct their points at the male who took advantage of Amanda's innocence and convinced her to expose her young breasts via a web cam. Or maybe our sharp points should go to the individual who exposed her undressed image to family and friends on Facebook because Amanda would not offer up more of her innocence.
But there are more monsters to identify. The girls who assaulted her and left her bruised and injured in a ditch. Or the group of peers who witnessed the assault taking place and egged the heartless girls to punch her again. Or maybe our anger is rightly focused on the person who filmed the assault and shared those images on Facebook, too.
But there are even more perpetrators in this crime. When Amanda, in her despair, swallowed bleach in an unsuccessful attempt to end her life, heartless beasts chastised her in her failure and suggested she try another brand of bleach. The list of cruel and ugly perpetrators is long and my anger wells up the more I think about this tragedy.
I want to know who to blame for Amanda's death. I want the wrong doers to be punished. I can feel the anger in my heart and the tightness in my chest. It feels like the Vancouver riots all over again but, this time, the destruction is not cars, buildings and merchandise but the life of a girl still finding her way in the world.
So, who is to blame for this tragedy? Who or what should be listed as the cause of death?
Amanda is only the latest in a long list of victims and likely not the last. We need to do something. We need to figure out this unkindness that exists in our society. We need to figure out how to make this stop. We need to figure out how to heal these wounds when they occur.
The tragedy is that Amanda's pain was not hidden. It hadn't been one of those situations where we're all surprised to learn of the cruelty she experienced. Amanda was loud and clear about the bullying. Her parents knew. The schools knew. Her counsellors knew. Her peer group knew. Her Facebook community knew. Amanda had exposed her pain on You Tube in the months prior to her death. And the scars on her arms were all the evidence one needed that this girl was in trouble. Yet, somehow, the knowing wasn't enough. The path of destruction that was so visible still continued.
We have lots to learn. We have lots to pay attention to. We have much that needs to change in our civilized society. It's time we put our heads and hearts together and found some answers.
And we don't stop until we find the answers.
Ted Kuntz is a Coquitlam author and psychotherapist; his website is peacebeginswithme.ca.
