The Editor,
So Wednesday was Bell Let’s Talk Day to raise awareness about mental health and remove the stigma that surrounds mental illness.
Many people changed their social media profiles to include a Let’s Talk background. But just as I don’t wear pink to talk about bullying, I won’t change my profile to talk about mental illness. Bullying and mental health are topics that we should be able to talk about anytime.
Anyone who knows me knows I was bullied mercilessly as a kid, and those people close to me know I struggle on a daily basis with mental illness.
Mental illness is insidious and it can creep up on you when you least expect it. It is also like the frog in a pot of water set to boil: If you don’t pay attention to the early warning signs, the next thing you know, you’re in a pot of boiling water and in trouble.
My most recent bout of mental illness began in late 2014. Over a period of six months, my fiancée and I had two miscarriages, one which I posted about and the other I did not because it was just too damn painful and I did not feel like I had anyone to talk to. Between dealing with the loss, struggling to pay my bills and get out of debt, struggling with my relationship with both my fiancée and my family, and a less-than-supportive work environment I found myself slipping further and further into depression.
Over the years, I had become adept at putting on my game face, not letting people see how I was struggling inside. When you are depressed, you tend to isolate yourself and not want to deal with things, and I was very good at hiding in plain sight.
My family tried to tell me I needed help and, like a drunk who is not ready to acknowledge he has a problem, I could not hear what they had to say. By the time my employer noticed I had a problem, it was far too late, and I finally had a meltdown at work last year, coming close to losing my job.
I could cast all the blame I wanted but, at the end of the day, I had to decide if I wanted to get better and what I was going to do about it.
I went back to my family doctor and had the first conversation to start my road to recovery.
Almost a year has passed since I had my meltdown. Am I feeling better? Yes. Am I “cured”? No, and to be honest, I don’t think I ever will be. I suspect my depression will be my constant dark companion for the rest of my life. But as long as I keep an eye on it, it shouldn’t cause me too much grief.
I know it will cause me trouble at times, and I may need to either pause or hit the reset button. What I won’t do is let it stop me from reaching my potential and trying to make a difference in the lives of my family, friends and community.
So, if you’re feeling like no one understands, or that you’ll be judged, know that I understand and I will never judge you.
There will be those who think that by divulging this, it could come back to bite me. I say bollocks to that and am owning my depression. It’s part of who I am and if people can’t accept that, too damn bad.
Life is precious, and we can all make a difference. Don’t let depression take away all your possibilities.
Rob Bottos, Coquitlam
