If we don't exert better control over election signs in the Tri-Cities, I'm afraid I'm going to look out one pre-election morning to see fields and fields of signs, occasionally spewing out spores that sprout more and more of them until they wave in the breeze for as far as the eye can see, like in some bizarre episode of The Outer Limits.
When I turn down Snake Hill in Port Moody the day after the election writ is dropped and see thousands of campaign signs screaming at me, it's this recurring horror movie.
So before we wake up one morning with election signs around our necks, we should set some sensible election sign guidelines.
I know, Andy, you hate it when the nanny state controls us - except of course when it comes to telling us who we can marry or to taking away a woman's right to choose. (But as usual, I digress.)
It's clear that election campaigns have no strategy in erecting signs. Like my colleague, they embrace the more-is-better strategy. Order 10,000 little plastic signs and napalm as many of them in our faces as possible - that's real marketing.
We don't need to go all Coquitlam on sign rules, with regulations about sizes of signs or how many one can have on one's property, or how close to a rhododendron a sign can be.
We need only two rules: We should allow election signs on private property only and we should allow two post-election days for campaigns to remove all debris before we get angry and threaten to fine them.
As an old sign campaign chair from when the Earth was still cooling, I know that thousands of signs on public property say little and become invisible in scant days.
On the other hand, a sign on private property speaks volumes. A lawn sign on Mr. and Mrs. McGillicuddy's lawn is a powerful neighbourhood statement, especially in the hands of a real marketing expert who might save some prime sign locations, erecting them incrementally on private lawns to suggest a groundswell of support.
Such simple rules would clarify who is supporting whom in campaigns and possibly save us all from the recurring invasion of the election signs.
